Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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