2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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