I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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