I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
