she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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