Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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