I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
