This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
