I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The best revenge is premature balding
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
