some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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