Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
