So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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