my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
