dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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