i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
