Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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