I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
