Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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