girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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