i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
