Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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