you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
