what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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