hotel room ftw
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
