: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
