True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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