i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
