I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
