i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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