I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
