mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
