i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
