i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
