Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
