how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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