he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
