the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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