It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
