So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
