Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
