she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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