I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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