chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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