K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
