just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize