Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
