Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
