This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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