I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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