when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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