So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
