my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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