Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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