i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
