So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
