my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
