I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
