I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
