she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
