doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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