Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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