I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
