but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
