Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
