My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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