Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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