Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
