i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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