i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
