I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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