I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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