can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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