I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
