Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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