I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Be still, my beating vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
