I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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